I decided to make a website out of my epiphany in January: check it out:
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Why Change Fails
People don't change until the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of changing.
As I was driving home today, I saw the police pulling over a woman for speeding at the same place I got pulled over a few months ago. As I thought about it, I realized I had changed my behavior after my $254's worth of pain. The pain had changed my behavior. But I also realized that the legal systems efforts to condition compliant behavior from me was starting to wear off - that I had started to speed past the same place again. Admittedly, seeing the woman crying in her car as the police officer handed her what I imagine to be the same $254 worth of pain, I had a twinge of fear for the next time I passed by. The police were effectively reminding me of my previous pain -- with fear of future pain. I expect I will drive a little slower past that spot next time.
Fear of future pain may be an effective way to modify someones behavior, but it is not transformative. It requires constant reinforcement. It is a push-pull tug of control to achieve compliance.
Fear based change will never transform me.
I suspect if I had been the driver of a vehicle in an accident caused by excess speed which resulted in someone's death, that I would have a very different perspective on speeding. I suspect that death would wholely transform my perspective where fear of pain can only incrementally change my perspective. I suspect I would no longer want or desire to speed. I would be transformed. Change wears off and requires constant refreshers of pain or the fear of pain. Transformation alters my volitional DNA in a way that pain and fear can not. Transformation alters my very desires.
Followup: I was chatting with Steve about this one, we came up with the idea that even the hypothetical allegorical alcoholic who "hits rock bottom" has a choice - to embrace the pain and allow transformation to occur, or to try to control pain, resulting in short term change (and short term avoidance of pain), but no long term transformation.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
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